Disclaimer – both parties gave me permission to share the following:
Setting: Midnight this past Monday.
Me, minding my own business in the man cave, not bothering a soul. ESPN on the background, finishing up an email response, cell phone within reach but being appropriatley ignored….until it begins to ring.
Caller ID – Andrew. One of my favorite friends of my daughter CC.
“Mr. Roy, this is Andrew.”
“Hey bro, you ok?” I’m thinking flat tire or some deep spiritual question is troubing him. Andrew and I have dove into the deep end of theological things a time or two in the past. Sharp young man.
Not why he was calling.
“CC told me that she just checked on you and that you were awake – sorry for calling so late (a bit out of the box to call me at midnight, but well thought out). Could I come talk to you some time about feelings that I am having for your daughter CC?”
Flashback to here.
Setting: My head.
Ok, be cool. My Princess CC? Really? Boyfriend? Midnight? What???? Breath.
“Of course you can Andrew. How about tomorrow night – man cave – 8:00 p.m.?”
The last time a young man asked my permission to date my daughter – Matt did so in a surprise ambush. He caught me half asleep in my boxers! I swore then that my loins would be properly girded for the next time.
Andrew’s pre-approach gave me nearly 24 hours to think, pray, gird, and pray some more. I was as ready as a dad could be for our meeting.
Insight: Andrew is a young man after God’s heart.
His spiritual intensity and maturity at 18 years of age is amazing. I praise and thank God that IF a young man must have eyes for my CC, that Andrew is the one….
The Meeting: He shows up at my house right on time.
I make him wait (not on purpose, I promsie, just a long cell phone call). The waiting must have been excruciating! We finally head up to the man cave and close the door, find our seats across from each other, and I don’t say a word. I want to see what this young man is made of. He handles the moment with class.
What he says to me is his story, not mine to tell. Suffice it to say that I was fighting back the tears as he gave me a peek into his young heart. After he stated his case and before he could ask for my blessing to date my daughter, I ask him to sit back and allow me to ask him a few very important questions:
– Why do you want to date my CC?
– What is it in her that you are attracted to?
– Tell me about your boundaries?
– What are your personal weaknesses?
– What does it mean to “date”?
His answer to what he is attracted to in my daughter was my key question. His answer would tell me much. And it did. “I’m attracted to her love of Jesus. Her spiritually maturity. Her loyal friendship to me over the past year. And I think she is beautiful!”
Yes she is, my young friend – both inside and out. He was referencing her outer beauty – and that was ok! In fact, had he not mentioned that, I would have felt he was being less than sincere with his feelings. I know 18 year olds. I know testosterone. I know how visual they are. I was hoping and praying for honesty and I feel like I got it from him.
“Andrew, for me to give my blessings to you dating CC, here are the 5 things that you must give me your word that you will do. If at any point in the relationship you and CC lose my trust, I reserve the right to end it. Fair enough?”
Here they are:
1. That both of you constantly communicate with me where you are in your relationship. Don’t wait for me to ask you. You tell me.
2. You establish God honoring boundaries for your relationship and come back and tell me what those are. If you ever decided to stretch those boundaries, you come to me first.
3. Your responsibility is to help her daily become more like Christ. Her responsibility in this relationship is to daily help you become more like Christ. In our chats, tell me what you both are doing about his.
4. Do not place yourselves in situations that could cause you to stumble.
5. I am trusting you with my princess. Do not hurt her.
Andrew agreed to my stipulations with a hearty “yes sir” and I gave him my blessing. We prayed, hugged, and exited the man cave. The house was full of teens – CC had a friend over. I was glad that I had insulated the man cave against sound leaving the room during Gator games – I think their may have been some attempted eavesdropping going on.
Andrew – textbook. Thank you for following the advice of your father and the Holy Spirit. By honoring CC’s father, you honored your Heavenly Father. I am proud of you – that was not easy (on this old man either).
I love being a daddy.