Who Dat?

I grew up in the greater New Orleans area.  Admitting out loud that “I’m a Coon-Ass” at age 8 was my first and only parental sanctioned cuss word.

And my first love were the Saints…those lovable losers.

But now, the Saints in the Superbowl?

New Orleans is likely to explode into a chaotic revelry unlike anything the city has ever seen.  Add in the fact that the Cresent City will be in the midst of Mardi Gras during the game and it’s almost scary to think what could go down there on February 7, 2010 with the Saints in Miami.  I know this won’t mean much to those of you not from N’Awlins, so thank you for indulging me. Maybe it will give you a peek into a culture like none other:
8 things that could happen since the Saints made the Super Bowl
1.  Alcohol shortages:  All groceries, convenience stores and drug stores within a 100 mile radius of New Orleans will completely sell out of beer, wine and liquor.  If the Saints win the Super Bowl, you should stock up at least a week in advance otherwise you’ll be stuck with soda and water.
2.  Extreme noise:  The sounds of 1.13 million cheering fans in metro New Orleans will reach more than 500 decibels. Hundreds of thousands of stomping feet will create shock waves and tremors as far away as Houston and Atlanta.
3.  Regional smoke screen and CO2 emissions:  Smoke from barbecue pits, fireworks and bonfires will create a 250-mile long cloud in the sky that will be seen from satellites and on Google Earth.  Tens of thousands of residents will boil seafood in their backyards and CO2 emissions from the burning propane tanks will create a hole in the ozone above New Orleans.
4.  Total gridlock:  The crowds of people trying to get to the French Quarter will back up traffic all the way to Bay St. Louis, Mississippi.  If you’re driving in from the east, you’ll likely have to park somewhere on Judge Perez in Chalmette and walk the rest of the way.  The line to get into Pat O’Brien’s will end somewhere in the Marigny and the spillover from Bourbon Street will run all the way to Decatur.
5.  The city will use parking tickets to fund Mayor Nagin’s Super Bowl trip:  The City of New Orleans Parking Enforcement will mark the day on the calendar and send out busloads of meter maids to issue thousands of tickets to those having a good time downtown. After the game, they’ll use the proceeds to send Mayor Nagin on a luxury 13-day cruise down the Nile followed by a jaunt into space with Richard Branson.
6. In response to the massive crowds, the city will put out 3 more port-o-lets for a grand total of 12. This will increase ratio of toilets-to-people to an impressive 1 toilet per 24,000 visitors.  The wait time to pee in the French Quarter will drop from five hours to only 4 3/4.
7.  Who Dat migration:  Thousands of vehicles, mostly Chevy Silverados with fleur de lis stickers in the back windows, will make the trip down I-10 then head south on I-75 and I-95 to Miami .  “Who Dat!” will be heard at dozens of gas stations along the way  which will also subsequently sell out of Bud Light.   Much of the 862 miles of interstate between New Orleans and Miami will be littered with beer cans and chicken bones.
8.  Thousands of televisions will need to be replaced:  Country folk Who Dats on the north shore and in wooded areas surrounding New Orleans will shoot out their televisions in excitement.

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