The Pink Team Scouting Report

The looks are always the same – a slight tilt of the head, the mouth opens, eyes widen, and a quick burst of an exhale as the head shakes side to side….“You live with 5 women? And 4 of them are teenage GIRLS?!?!”

And I am blessed.

But any man that tells you that he understands women is a LIAR.  The best we can hope for are fairly accurate scouting reports.

My buddy told me a few days ago, that perhaps God placed me “behind enemy lines” to report back to the blue team what the pink team is really like.  The pink team has never and will never be fully scouted or figured out.  As soon as we think we’ve got ’em, they’ll just change the rules…

So blue team, here are a few insights that I have been able to recon…things I THINK I’ve figured out. These are Top Secret.  If you blow my cover we are all in trouble.

  • Women love to be taken out to eat.  It makes their day.
  • Shopping improves their mood – instantaneously.
  • Given the chance, women will smell and re-smell the scented candle display at the store.  They can do that for hours.
  • Their clothes are complicated, their shoes unforgiving, and a bathroom should always be close – always valet park.
  • Usually it’s best to just close their teenage (bedroom, bathroom, closet) door.
  • Every woman likes wedding stuff.
  • Women don’t like explosions (random, I know, but perhaps useful)
  • Always carry tissue in your Jeep console.
  • Listen – just be quiet.  Stare into their eyes and just be quiet.  Give advice only when asked.
  • She goes first – through the door you have already opened.
  • We go first – movie theater rows (to blaze the trail), revolving doors (to start the spin), cabs (so she doesn’t have to slide all the way over).
  • Fail – That’s a beautiful dress, you look great!
  • Pass – That’s a great dress, you look beautiful!
  • To Her Father – Never ever, ever, poke fun of his daughter.  EVER. It will not endear you to him. He may kill you.
  • Her Friends – We get only one friend that we can find intolerable….only one.

Easy Answers for Their Common Questions:

  • Do you like what I’m wearing? You look beautiful.
  • Do I look fat in this? Of course not.
  • Can you give me a hand? Of course.
  • Which do you like better? This one or that one? That one.
  • What is your PROBLEM?!?! I love you.

The Pink Team is mysterious.  The Pink Team is emotional.  The Pink Team is beautiful.  And if you have members of the Pink Team in your life, you too are a blessed man.

Just remember – wipe off the sink and toilet seat down….

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Cindy on February 25, 2010 at 8:43 AM

    LOVE IT! I’m definitely passing this along! It’s nice to know there are men out there that “get it”. I’m blessed that I have one of them as well. Thank you for your insight in all your blogs…they’ve become my newest (and healthiest) addiction!

  2. Thanks Cindy. If “getting it” means that we admit that we will never really “get it”, then I get it. Smiles from the blue team.

  3. Posted by Mom on February 25, 2010 at 5:50 PM

    Wish I could pat myself on the back for such wisdom. Hero Jeanne???? He was MINE first!!!

  4. Posted by Amy on February 25, 2010 at 6:34 PM

    It doesn’t even matter that you think you don’t “get it”! WE (women) don’t get ourselves but the pink team loves when the blue team tries!

  5. Taking notes. Why didn’t you tell me all this stuff sooner???

  6. Dude…so timely. Page just hit 40 this weekend, Margaret’s knocking on the door of the teen years (she’s 11), so I needed this. Thanks for this bro!

  7. Something told me to check your blogsite tonight and ask you if you had a facebook account…weird, huh? LOL..I have not been keeping up with you faithfully, Roy..but do drop by once in a while and I will surely miss your blog! But God knows what’s best for you and if He has called you to higher ground..so be it! Keep me posted to your journeys, and blessings to you!

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