Posts Tagged ‘scouting’

The Pink Team Scouting Report

The looks are always the same – a slight tilt of the head, the mouth opens, eyes widen, and a quick burst of an exhale as the head shakes side to side….“You live with 5 women? And 4 of them are teenage GIRLS?!?!”

And I am blessed.

But any man that tells you that he understands women is a LIAR.  The best we can hope for are fairly accurate scouting reports.

My buddy told me a few days ago, that perhaps God placed me “behind enemy lines” to report back to the blue team what the pink team is really like.  The pink team has never and will never be fully scouted or figured out.  As soon as we think we’ve got ’em, they’ll just change the rules…

So blue team, here are a few insights that I have been able to recon…things I THINK I’ve figured out. These are Top Secret.  If you blow my cover we are all in trouble.

  • Women love to be taken out to eat.  It makes their day.
  • Shopping improves their mood – instantaneously.
  • Given the chance, women will smell and re-smell the scented candle display at the store.  They can do that for hours.
  • Their clothes are complicated, their shoes unforgiving, and a bathroom should always be close – always valet park.
  • Usually it’s best to just close their teenage (bedroom, bathroom, closet) door.
  • Every woman likes wedding stuff.
  • Women don’t like explosions (random, I know, but perhaps useful)
  • Always carry tissue in your Jeep console.
  • Listen – just be quiet.  Stare into their eyes and just be quiet.  Give advice only when asked.
  • She goes first – through the door you have already opened.
  • We go first – movie theater rows (to blaze the trail), revolving doors (to start the spin), cabs (so she doesn’t have to slide all the way over).
  • Fail – That’s a beautiful dress, you look great!
  • Pass – That’s a great dress, you look beautiful!
  • To Her Father – Never ever, ever, poke fun of his daughter.  EVER. It will not endear you to him. He may kill you.
  • Her Friends – We get only one friend that we can find intolerable….only one.

Easy Answers for Their Common Questions:

  • Do you like what I’m wearing? You look beautiful.
  • Do I look fat in this? Of course not.
  • Can you give me a hand? Of course.
  • Which do you like better? This one or that one? That one.
  • What is your PROBLEM?!?! I love you.

The Pink Team is mysterious.  The Pink Team is emotional.  The Pink Team is beautiful.  And if you have members of the Pink Team in your life, you too are a blessed man.

Just remember – wipe off the sink and toilet seat down….